Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
