How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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