What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
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