I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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