At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just threw up on my dentist
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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