There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She told me I should be a condom model.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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