I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
