shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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