My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
