the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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