i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
