Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
