so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
