Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
