You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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