I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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