We won't sleep together?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
