The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
