Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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