I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
