Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
