I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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