I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
