How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
