Soap is not a condiment
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
