Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We got so high we made milksteak
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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