just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
