i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
