playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
