I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
