Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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