it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
