Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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