i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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