My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
