i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
