it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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