i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And then my night got REAL pukey
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
