I just saw a hot homeless man
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
