How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
