I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think my vagina is haunted
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
