you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
