And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
