im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
