oh god the rape fog is back!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
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