$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
