i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
