Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
