"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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