Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
