I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
