it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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