Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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