Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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